Steady as we go

I don't put a lot of stock into astrology. I'm a casual horoscope checker, more for fun than purpose. I never really related to my title of "Capricorn"... However, as I've gotten older, I realize how much that dang goat does hold symbol for me.

Change and transitions aren't easy for me. I am a steady, trotting goat. I will scale flat-sided mountains, little by little, step by step. I like to have a plan. Boy do I like plans. One of my favorite activities is my once-a-week ritual of going to a coffee shop, all alone, ordering a brew, and camping out at a table. Once I've sufficiently nested into a corner, I pull out my thick and obnoixiously pink planner, my clutch of multi-colored pens, and plan my week. 

I write down my to-do's, my goals, my weekly and monthly tasks. I even go back to the previous planned week and write down my "wins" and "ways to improve". I scribble down qoutes that have been on my mind or ennegram 4 inspirations... Yes, this is fun for me believe it or not! I pack up my pens and take my last sip of coffee feeling more in control and like my mind can finally sigh in relief that it's all on a page.

I laugh at the hilarity of the universe that two of my life callings, being a mother, and being a doula, conflict so spectacularly with being a head-strong, list-making, day-planning, control freak, steady trotting capricorn. 

Trying to plan with kids akin to herding cats. And have you tried to plan a birth? Go ahead, try, tell me how that goes ;) 

What I'm learning, though, is that weakness and strength are a sort of yin and yang of harmony. I want control, but i'm so acutely aware that it really doesn't exist, so my want and knowing that I won't have it relax me.

I have my entire day planned on paper-- but i also have the desire to say f-it to the page and do something else sometimes and that feels exciting.

I have zero idea of what may happen at a client's birth. A homebirth could end up a hospital transfer-- and you'd think that would make a "planner" lose their mind, but to the contrary, I've already thought about that and have a Plan B 😂

So instead of fighting who I am and trying to force myself into "caring less" or being more fluid, I'm accepting that this is me and it's choas and it's steady, it's a great gift and it's a big struggle. It's everything at once.

Do certain traits in your life show up like that for you too?